Voukah [Voo-kah]; home

Clutch

Stall.

Trials and tribulations. Just a few more tries with the clutch and the gas, and

stall.

Adventures taken afar down University Avenue, just hoping you don’t miss that exam. The bumps and jerking from uneven roads, construction and dirt roads. That asshole that just suddenly braked, then

stall.

On, then off. On then off. The scent of dalgongae and expensive bakery foods. You looked vigilantly with me as we looked for that one elusive parking spot on Yonge Street, following behind equally hesitant and situationally unaware drivers. We’re on our way to see our friends yet again. When night falls, you take us all to our homes. Sometimes we take the scenic route. Sometimes the completly opposite direction. You follow behind a bus and right when the light turns green,

stall.

Another day along Bovaird Drive. You respond with me with profanities in different languages as that dimwit cuts you off in this large road. The faint smell of earth, vinyl and rain is strangely welcoming. I smell it on my lab coat as  hastily punch in for my shift into the dispensary. You watch the sun set as I step away to earn whatever cost it takes to keep you running. You greet me like every day that I walk in, and as I back out, I forget about the puddle and pothole that you kindly remind me exists with a jolt and shake as the wheel plops. In panic, I let go of the clutch, and

stall.

You encase us as we are not sure about our emotions. Both of us are scarred hearts and souls. We want to love, but neither of us truly feel ready. You listen and say nothing in response. You simply listen as I fumble with words, ideas, rants and inconsistencies. You know already, but you’ll be happy to know she married someone. You do this as you take me home to my front door. I make my way up the hill of a parking lot, and

stall.

You keep me company as I watch the clouds in the sky pass us on the Gardiner Expressway. You’ve heard my offkey singing, impersonations,  satire, feverish rants and silent rage. You know because sometimes I grip the wheel a bit tighter than usual. You know that life is complicated, and that I’m scared to change. But you came with me anyways. All that support you’ve given me until I drive up to the residental road to walk and get the shared keyfob for the hospital parking, but I got a bit too close to the curb and

stall.

You kept me safe. I left you alone. We had to change your window when someone decided to break you in. But we both know you’re more than that. All that to write an admission exam I never bothered to use. You’re the only one that didn’t try to push or pull me somewhere. You only took me forward. You even entertained me to quell my mind when I couldn’t sleep. I always felt smothered, but even then you’ve kept me free in encasement. A night drive in a beautiful countryside with trees I’ve never seen before, in a small town that was clearly sleeping but still strangely alive. We saw this together. We tried to take a left turn at a stop sign and

stall.

I don’t really know how to appreciate a marvel of engineering. You’ve grown with me and took me everywhere. You’ve been the most reliable, even if you decided not to stay cool in a swelteringly hot August summer some years. I decide to sit with you a little longer, in a beautiful residential road as I eat a taro bolo bao and muscat grape soda while listening to dozen of classical pieces I can’t even recognize. I don’t really know how to feel about suddenly not experiencing my world with you again. It’s been quite a ride. I hope you’ll get to experience this with someone else too. We’ll go for another short ride. Neither of us will

stall.