My So-Called Life XIII

I sat here the other night, thinking about how long I’ve had this blog around. Despite moving hosts about three times, I’ve had Voukah for nearly 5 years. Before you correct me and say I don’t know how to subtract, I had a year’s worth of entries lost from the first time Voukah disappeared (or possibly more – I don’t remember). I suppose this blog has really lived up to its name, seeing how it has been my longest-living blog I’ve had.

But through it all, most importantly, so many things have changed along the way. Transient things passed in and out – angry moments to moments of affection, right to the moments of heartbreak. But through it all, the name “Voukah” stuck to me like a loyal friend. It’s simply that amazing to know that something like this could move on for so many years.

People also came and went. People – great friends – would leave comments on old entries that I would write, and I would return the favour with a blog-roll and an occasional visit. Now we’ve all grown old enough to let it all go. Time makes life so strange.

Things certainly have changed these past couple of years – you could even say life has changed drastically over the last few months.

I was accepted into pharmacy. Remember back in those days where you worried that you wouldn’t get in? It was a dream come true when I got that acceptance letter that odd Monday. The true deadline was the day Michael Jackson passed away. I remember being infuriated that day as well, for no one received my achievement as violently happy as I did. In fact, I felt somewhat ashamed for being accepted. Now I celebrate quietly on my own – no one else needs to know how happy I am to make it. While I may protest, I’m working happily through my career. That leaves one less thing to do before I die.

My love life dithered slowly until it finally broke. Twice. There’s not much to say anymore except I’m letting myself heal now. There is no need to mope around for so long anymore, especially after feeling like I’ve just walk the next few stairs of cruel reality and insomnia – betrayal and human lies inclusive. It’s funny reading the I-Ching now: snake says not to get involved in debatable subjects and not depend on any love to help you through, and rabbit says to be careful of who you love and which one you choose in the mass sea of muses. I’ll love, but I’ll hold it more sacred than I did before. And I won’t yet. I’ve been single as of my professional practice, and my pharmacy ethics exam. Despite not studying, I did fairly well on one. Not sure about the other.

It was a late winter this year – it didn’t snow until pretty much last week. It’s melting again, so we had a brief, glorious moment of snow until the sun came out and oven-baked the city. We’re all a little baked in the shallow city of Toronto. I’m getting used to being different in such a huge city, because, after all, different is becoming the status quo these days. I wear the rags I’ve always wore, treat people the same as I always have, and I still love the music I found myself, so nothing’s changing within me. It’s just the environment that’s changing. I pledge my mind and soul into being who I truly am.

I still play FFXI. It looks like it’ll diminish one day, but at the very least I can share the last few glories of what was my transient, cognitive home. The day it’s torn down from my memories may be a relief, but certainly by no means a painless one. It’ll be the closure of my transition of being a teen to a university student.

I’ve met a few friends. While not totally comfortable with each other, it’s good to know I can lend an ear and have one back in return (most of the time). It makes me look forward to going to school even more. And best of all, they all have their own stoic personalities. Maybe not so much the gossip, though. I wonder what will happen to us in the next few years – I wouldn’t mind finding out as the years go by.

My farewell to Waterloo was not an easy one, but I did it anyways. It looks like they all found their separate ways, so even if I went back I wouldn’t see them anymore. Max is still around – I wonder how he’s doing in school, and probably how many Red Bulls he drank so far. Maybe I should hit up an email or text one of these days.

My volunteering hasn’t really been as delightful as it was last year, with my two hospital positions and being a mentor. And of course teaching – can’t forget my greatest work/educational experience ever. Finally got a quality improvement research project started with my group today. It should definitely be fun to do.

There’s so much to do in so little timeframe. But I have yet to find a stable pastime. Perhaps I should get into music again, or take some media arts classes for web designing one day. Whatever I do, I have the world at my fingertips to try. Somehow it feels exciting.

This would be my first normal, mundane blog post for almost 2 years, after all that chaos of pseudo-poetic jumble. That’s a relief, isn’t it?