{death} spam; {Can I have it?}

Pornographic bots just don’t stop multiplying. And I have drawn a conclusion as to why.

spam.gif For those that are not aware, pornographic bots (which can loosely be referred to as merely “bots”), for the purpose of blogs, are scripts that specifically search gullible web blogs that search for tags within <form> in order to take advantage of form scripts, and repeatably send entries through the form, sending links onto the comment field that lead straight to pornographic links.

Of course, these links are far too obvious (and if you didn’t know where they led to, I’d be surprise that you had enough logic to move that mouse on your hands to begin with. Not that I’m implying anything.); therefore, the repeated posting is not necessarily to promote pornographic content, but rather cause a true annoyance to scripts on your website, and also to crash scripts that are not designed to handle so many requests at one time.

But then you say to yourself, why and how do these bots attack in exponential growth of comments?

Let’s think biologically here.

The purpose of sexual intercourse in the ideal biology of fauna is merely to reproduce offspring for survival. The likelihood of a species to reproduce faster is either because an environmental factor has influenced the need for reproduction to keep a species from becoming extinct, or, well.


Then you ask, how could machines have the ability to become fertile if they’re merely mind-made scripts of the internet? The answer is simple.

They don’t.

Think a little more outside of the box. As noted before, these bots are merely scripts. Scripts do not create themselves, and they do not have a mind of their own (this isn’t I Robot, folks); therefore, a person with a large amount of knowledge in computer science (you know. With legs, body, arms, and probably a head. You could probably guess with 80% probability that this creator had a penis, too. I mean that in a totally non-sexist way. For females, anyway.) and a fairly large sense of imagination (I’m sure you don’t want to know where it came from).

Now, let’s say that this computer scientist worked for a bioengineering company. God knows what they do in those labs, but with enough experimentation, a fetus can be developed by fertilising an ovum – an egg from the female -, and the infamous gamete, sperm. Let’s say these eggs were extracted from some ungodly, unknown mechanism hidden in the secret, armoured lab of this company. Of course, in order to fertilise an egg, you need sperm.

Aaaaaaaaand because of the public domain of this blog, I will allow you to explain how to obtain such spectacular organisms to your children when they ask why they feel funny. Feel free to add to the imagination of it with the perverted human in you.

Well then.

Let’s also keep in mind that the limit for making biological minions is dependent on the amount of ovums. Of course, by forcing several oogonium (the stuff that comes before the egg. So when someone asks you, “which comes first: the chicken or the egg?” just say oogonia to confuse the hell out of them.) to undergo meiosis (the process that turns the oogonium into ovums. See, you’ve learned cell biology by just reading this entry! Zelda music!), you can cause almost a linear relationship of ovum produced.

Don’t let the science talk fool you. It just means they form one by one.

Now, if you get every 150 minions to post 150 posts (to a computer scientist, of course, that’s “Java”-ly possible.) each, given that the growth of minions is exponential, you would have an exponential curve.


By using the beauties of technology, not only can you make your own minions without having to make a woman suffer from pain, you, too, can make them work like bots themselves and teach them the mere prosperity of your favourite pornographic links!

In conclusion, the multiplication of pornographic bots can now be explained. They are just computer scientists with too much money to buy large sums of ovums!

And remember, don’t forget to eat your apples.

  1. Way to dissect the sexual experience, Dr. Rue

    Xetzu December 2, 2007 at 7:06 am
  2. omg, this post XDDD

    lmfao. I don’t even know what to say, except WIN.

    Kris December 3, 2007 at 3:26 pm