My So-Called Life X: Questioning

So what is it all boiling down to? Am I happy, or am I sad? Am I smart, or am I an idiot? Am I loved, or am I not? Am I loving, or am I cold? Am I handsome, or am I ugly? Am I fat, or am I average? Annoying, approachable. Angry, calm. Fighting, mediating. At peace, at calamity. Up, down. Social, autistic. Proficient, inadequate.

I profess. I am sad. I fooled you into thinking I was happy, didn’t I?

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My So-Called Life IX: Cycle

It’ll just happen over and over again, and nothing seems to break it anymore. It doesn’t even seem like my own willpower is able to stop this from going on and on.

It’s the low end of the circle, again.

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It’s been a tug-o-war, these days. If you feel gentle enough, you can feel those abrupt pulls back and forth, with rope intertwined by the nylon of the voices, the perceptions, the lies. The truth. You’ve been so assimilated. Can you feel it now?

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The mind is an eccentric device. It can process all of your thoughts – all of your psychology – in a complex network of signals and graded to action potentials. It allows you and I to twist complex ideas and make us see things that no one else can see. We use it to fight, to defend, or to embrace, and we take all of that for granted. Had we lost our ability to access our mind, life would hide behind a retardant mist and we would no longer have the power to control the world.

But I am not interested in your shallow desires for humanly control – that’s not why I’m here.

I’m here to tell you what happens when your mind is fogged.

» Keep reading.